Living and Learning

Ever have that shiny pair of shoes that just didn't seem to fit. They are your size... you like the style... your foot goes into them... but for some bizarre reason your foot just doesn't like to conform? Maybe it's just me and my constant need for improvement which on some large scale equals attainable perfection in my mind but I can't seem to make myself fit this shoe I am currently in. I like the job okay. I can do it. It suits me... but it just isn't fullfilling. I suppose the biggest problem is that I am apparantly okay with mediocraty on some level because I am unwilling to alter my monotany. Why is it that achievement seems so easy when you are younger? Conquering the world becomes less intriguing as time goes on. I entertain glimpses of me ten years ago and think that maybe that person is coming back to reside within me. You know her, the ambitious, foxfire, refusing to take no for an answer, refusing to accept that people, places, things can't be change...

I find myself wondering what if almost daily. What if I had kept contact with that friend from school? What if I had acted when I felt like maybe a friendship was more than a friendship? What if I had gone to college? What if my grandmother, mom, dad, etc. were still here? What if I had said, "No, I can't get married."? What would my life be like. It's amazing to me how the littlest thing seems to crawl into my brain and reside there. A familiar place, sound, smell and I'm right back in the memory, clinging. I don't know if this is the case for everyone, or if my obsessive tendencies propel me toward a life of chronic observance but whatever the case it makes me wonder why I can't be satisfied in the present. I like my life. I have friends. I can't say that I am always sunshine and rainbows but there are more ups than downs regularly. I can't quite seem to let go of what was. I can't seem to shake the feeling that there are things unsaid with f...

This post is for those that are aimlessly meandering in the so-called "World of Dating." For starters, let's talk about the man side of things for a few minutes. There are a few misconceptions that women have and I'd like to share some insight on things to provide a bit of clarity. Obviously, I am not a man, but I've been gifted (or cursed) with an inate ability to relate to men. I'll be honest, women confuse the hell out of me, but men are simple, their actions are common sense and their reasons are easy to explain. (Let's keep in mind, because I know there will be a crybaby out there that says I am generalizing, I am not including all men in this discussion... I am just using my personal experience as a guide.) 1. Men are simple. If they don't call... it is for one of three reasons... I. They don't want to talk to you. II. They are intimidated by you. III. They got their service disconnected because they didn't pay the bill. Don't...

This week was the one year anniversary of my mom's passing. As always I am reminiscent of our good times and along with it creeps in the fleeting thoughts of the bad times, simultaneously. It almost is as if the two are welded together, as if one cannot be entertained without the other. Toward the end of mom's life, she took the time to explain herself and why she did certain things. She took the time to apologize and make the menz that had been twenty years in necessity. I suppose in saying that, my encouragement for the week, is to let the past stay in the past. Forgive. Notice there was not a Forget following that statement. I think it best in certain circumstances to cut your losses. But Forgiveness cleanses your soul. It removes the burden that is plaguing your life, and I assure you that if you are holding onto something that was done or is continuing to be done to you... you are plagued. I maintained this stronghold on my hard feelings for far too long. My hard feelings ...