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Existential

I never posted this jewel. However raw. Here it is. We have almost met a year without.
04/21/2017
Yesterday, my friend died.
He was this beautiful, lovable, endearing soul with the ability to make you feel everything anew and melted chocolate eyes. I asked him often if we could talk deep and he would laugh and say he could do the surface stuff, just nothing existential. I'd laugh and talk his ear off about everything else, carefully dipping my toes into topics that he would ponder but never comment on. I always pushed. Always asked the questions that needed to be asked in our friendship. "Are you clean?" "How are you...really?" Because he and I had two grand things in common. The first being an up close and personal relationship with addiction and the second being the desperate need to hide how we feel from any and everyone. Josh and I had so much in common. We were both adopted. Both Extroverts. Both lovers of the seemingly inconsequential. What didn't we have in common? Decent musical taste for one. He had THE WORST musical taste of all time, but said that because I read romance novels (the clean ones, Geez) that we were even in our poor taste and therefore could remain friends. The thing is, I can't imagine why. Why would he take his own life? Why would he leave this way?
Why?

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