Skip to main content

Existential

I never posted this jewel. However raw. Here it is. We have almost met a year without.
04/21/2017
Yesterday, my friend died.
He was this beautiful, lovable, endearing soul with the ability to make you feel everything anew and melted chocolate eyes. I asked him often if we could talk deep and he would laugh and say he could do the surface stuff, just nothing existential. I'd laugh and talk his ear off about everything else, carefully dipping my toes into topics that he would ponder but never comment on. I always pushed. Always asked the questions that needed to be asked in our friendship. "Are you clean?" "How are you...really?" Because he and I had two grand things in common. The first being an up close and personal relationship with addiction and the second being the desperate need to hide how we feel from any and everyone. Josh and I had so much in common. We were both adopted. Both Extroverts. Both lovers of the seemingly inconsequential. What didn't we have in common? Decent musical taste for one. He had THE WORST musical taste of all time, but said that because I read romance novels (the clean ones, Geez) that we were even in our poor taste and therefore could remain friends. The thing is, I can't imagine why. Why would he take his own life? Why would he leave this way?
Why?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting By with a Little Help

It's that time again... you guessed it... time for a FIVE! This week has been particularly stressful. I find it funny that in the midst of our chaos, little treasures are buried there to get us through. In lieu of that epiphany... you are getting a fresh Five this week. Straight from my musings. I hope you're finding ways to see the beauty in your storm, and that you are evaluating what kind of legacy you are prioritizing. 1. Glorious sunshine. I know... it's Texas and it's hotter than a two dollar pistol... insert obligatory thanksgiving to the inventor of the air conditioner here... but it IS glorious. When you first walk outside after being cooped up in an office or your house (or your house office) all day, and you step into the sunshine and your muscles just immediately melt. It's like your body was dying inside and you just revived it. In Texas, you are also met with a wall of suffocating humidity, but it's worth battling through for that little warmi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Attitude of Gratitude

I have struggled with the need to write this post and open a chapter publicly, if you will, for some time. I guess the best place to start is an explanation. I'm a list maker. Somewhere around 5 years ago, in addition to my daily agenda, I began writing a gratitude list. The list began as a running tally of items and I'd add to it when something made itself focal to me in that way, but over time, I needed to streamline the process and it became what I lovingly call my "Friday Five." Each Friday, I take a few minutes to jot down 5 things that I have been noticeably grateful for that week. Some are trivial, some deep. Somewhere in there, I started offering them to a pal that struggled (much like me) with stopping to experience the small things along his life journey. Soon the "Fives" became a beautiful tangle of words that allowed us to really see joy in the simple. We sent them reciprocally via email for more than two years. Sadly and in the most heart sh...
Post a Comment
Read more

Live Your Legacy

This week, we are back on track with reposting some of my favorite fives. It was curious how these lined up with my heart this week in real time. I have reached a place in life where what I leave is equally as important as my day-to-day. Am I being kind? Am I vocalizing things I've learned to people struggling with similar situations? Am I weaving myself into other's stories in the best ways? I think a monumental part of maturity is caring less about how happy you are and more about the happiness of others. 1. I'm thankful that each day, the sun chooses to share itself with me just as I drive the overpass of 99 to 290. It warms my face and reminds me to breathe. Some days, I breathe so deeply that I see stars and I genuinely feel like I've been given a fresh start in that moment. 2. I'm excited that my brain seems a little clearer this week, while my tummy seems foggier. 3. Words. Most weeks I read and read and nothing speaks to me, but this week, passages seem...
Post a Comment
Read more